HOW TO RUN THE WORLD for Dummies

  • A 5 minute read. Do not start reading unless you are willing to finish.
  • Featuring Barnaby Barnicle, the evil miser from Babes in Toyland and March of the Wooden Soldiers.

HERE IS THE LAYMAN’S FIVE-MINUTE TOUR. I have a ton of facts and true stories to back up what I say but I would lose those who don’t have much of an attention span. So here are the highlights. This should already be familiar to you but eyes that look no further than the surface do not truly see.

Let’s all wring our hands and worry – what is the world coming to!?! It took me over 50 years, many of them living in denial, before finally opening my eyes and ears to people who I initially thought were crazy.

DO YOU BELIEVE if you do all the right things, be moral, honest and, dare I say, kind, everything will be all right in the end? Do you feel what you do makes a difference on a large scale? I’m sorry to tell you this but it does not. It doesn’t make one iota of difference.

HUMANITY IS A SCOURGE UPON THE EARTH. We are a failed experiment and all the eco-warriors, animal protectionists, Black Lives Matter, religious fanatics and government activists are all a waste of time. During our existence, we have been successful in wiping out or destroying entire human civilisations and animal species. No matter how we try, we simply cannot get along with each other. I believe, or at least I hope, that Mother Nature in her infinite wisdom has just about reached her limit and, in the words of George Carlin, will soon shake us off. What a huge relief that will be for all other living organisms on our planet.

We battle over the stupidest things – skin colour, religion, politics, money, land, possessions, sexual orientation, anything! And the craziest thing of all is we’ve been doing this since the beginning of time! History keeps repeating itself over and over and over. Humans seem incapable of learning from their own mistakes. Nothing ever changes!

SO HERE WE GO AND BARNABY WILL BE OUR ANTAGONIST.

What happens in our world, other than natural disasters, is all carefully choreographed. Wars don’t happen randomly – they are created for a purpose. Pitch blacks against whites, Muslims against Jews, liberals against conservatives, pro-life against pro-choice, free speech against group think. If you create and carefully manage conflict, there is money to be made. And you thought billionaires got rich by being good businessmen and women.

How do you control the world’s populous? Well, my guess is you need to run all the countries. Who, do you ask, could possibly have that much power? Elected governments? Don’t be ridiculous! If you happen to be a billionaire like our Barnaby and have a penchant for power and a god complex, it is relatively easy. Do you know that there are a lot – and I mean a LOT – of billionaires out there? Some are not very nice people. Being worshipped is not in their agenda. They simply want to control EVERYTHING and build empires. What else are you going to do with all that time and money on your hands? Improve the world? Actually, there are a few (I count two) but their success will be short term. Good is not nearly as powerful as evil simply because evil is not hindered by ethical boundaries and will do anything to win.

HERE’S THE BARNABY BARNICLE’S THREE-STEP PROGRAM:

Control the News

How many independent radio or television stations can you count? Barnaby knows that whoever controls the news, controls public opinion. So the first thing to do is buy up the media. Unbiased journalists no longer control their stories. Corporate owners and advertisers with agendas and sales margins run newspapers, the 6 o’clock news and pretty much all forms of news outlet content. Accountants and shareholders are the taskmasters because it is all boils down to return on investment. And if Barnaby guarantees to put money in their pockets, well, who’s going to argue? So now the news is whatever Barnaby says it is.

Pick Your Side

If you want to take over a country, you simply buy up one side of the government and make sure they represent your agenda. You arrange for leadership to be stupid enough or greedy enough to do your bidding. Offer them money, power or both, because that’s inevitably what they want (so much for the term “public servant”) and it doesn’t cost Barnaby anything because he’s just going to get the money from the citizens anyway.

Destroy the Opposition

People who attempt to fight back will ultimately be crushed because Barnaby creates the news and will have his minions say all sorts of nasty things about the good guys and the population will believe it because – here we go – they saw it on the news and would a news anchor lie? Why, of course not. They are truth and beyond reproach! But times have changed my friends – the guys you see on the news (who still like to refer to themselves as journalists) are now stars and commentators of their own shows, receiving outrageous salaries. You can’t buy a Mercedes with your ethics; you need money and lots of it. Toe the line or you will find yourself in Barrow, Alaska reporting the dogsled traffic.

If you want to take over a country and you can afford it, you simply destroy the reputation of your competition with whatever lies you want to make up. The population will then believe everything they read in the news (that is, Barnaby’s news) and they will get angry and not bother to read rebuttals or retractions. Barnaby introduces a brand new leader who is charismatic and charming, or just the flavour of the month, the citizens go out and vote for the new nice guy/gal and presto, Barnaby Barnacle runs the country. Simple.

YOU’RE WELCOME. Since I’m pretty sure I’m never going to run a country or be a billionaire, I decided to share these simple truths as I know them.

THE LAST WORD. It all seems very dismal doesn’t it? So my thoughts going forward are this. Until Mother Nature admits her mistake, let’s take care of our families, friends, animals and anyone in our own surrounding little worlds. Let’s help, enjoy, and be kind and happy. You can’t correct all the wrongs in the world but you can have an effect on those around you.

Corrupt people will always be corrupt and crusaders will always try to defeat them. I wish them well. But in the interim, just lead a good life and do your bit where and whenever you can. Mother Nature just might give you a pass.

Glad I got that off my chest! The End.


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